Romantic Relationships as an Opportunity for Positive Change
May is often referred to as the month and time of love. The arrival of May symbolizes change or new beginnings associated with love and family. According to psychological findings, positive changes in people often occur precisely thanks to their romantic relationships. A team of researchers from the Slovak Academy of Sciences (SAS) and Pavol Jozef Šafárik University presents new research explaining this process.
"According to findings from our research project, romantic and intimate relationships are among the most formative experiences in adult life. They offer an opportunity to develop various skills," says Nikola Kallová, project lead and researcher at the Institute for Research in Social Communication, SAS.
Participants in her studies over the last five years mentioned romantic experiences as those that changed them the most or from which they learned the most. The SAS research identifies three basic types of learning from relationships. The first is personal identity development. Individuals learn to answer questions like “Who am I?” or “Who do I want to be?”. They also start to see themselves as better people and learn to recognize their weaknesses. This type of development can occur after a painful breakup. In such moments, individuals redefine themselves, get to know themselves again, and regain self-esteem.
"The second type of learning from relationships is the training of relationship skills. This often happens when trying to maintain an existing relationship. It involves the ability to ‘be in a relationship’ and ‘be a good partner.’ This includes improving communication and listening skills, as well as conflict resolution,” explains the scientist.
The final, third group of positive changes that can be derived from relationships is better partner decision-making. This includes the ability to set boundaries in relationships and protect oneself from unacceptable behavior. Such skills often result from negative relationship experiences. Similarly, people may gain a clearer sense of warning signs and the
types of partnerships they want to avoid. They can also learn how to better time the start of a new relationship and prepare for it more effectively.
“Research from the SAS and international teams suggests that romantic relationships not only help us become better people but also better partners. However, the catch is that not everyone is equally capable of gaining a positive effect from relationships,” says Nikola Kallová.
Relationship-induced change, and change in general, can elicit different reactions in people. On one hand, there are individuals who respond positively to change. These people are highly adaptable to changing conditions and situations and are labeled in the research as psychologically and cognitively "flexible." On the other hand, there are people who prefer stability, even in their views and behaviors. These individuals avoid change because it brings uncertainty and unpredictability. They are referred to as “cognitively rigid” in the research.
“Our new research involving 1,300 Slovak men and women now shows a strong link between learning from relationships and overall openness to change,” the researcher states. The positive effects of relationships are more pronounced in individuals who are generally oriented positively towards change—that is, the flexible ones. Less flexible individuals learn less from their relationships.
Romantic relationships are the highest psychological need for adolescents and adults. Therefore, they are the greatest motivator for positive change. The SAS research now makes it clear that simply being in a relationship is not enough for personal growth. An essential component of learning from relationships is the ability to use the formative aspects of the relationship to one’s benefit—that is, being overall positively inclined toward change.
The research was conducted under the project: VEGA 2/0173/24: "Learning from Intimate Relationships in Young Adults in Slovakia: The Role of Relationship Types and Cognitive Rigidity."
Source: Nikola Kallová, Ústav výskumu sociálnej komunikácie SAV, v. v. i.
Foto: canva.com